


" If you hear fighting up above—if you hear us dying"

by Tattoo_Lotus



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-30
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-16 15:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/863573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tattoo_Lotus/pseuds/Tattoo_Lotus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not only was he not aging but he also wasn’t dying properly, as in he wasn’t staying dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is set in roughly 616 verse most differently after Civil War. 
> 
> For now this is just a short one shot that might get cleaned up some more and turned into something a lot longer. It was meant to be longer but I kind of looked at it were it is and decided it could stay the way it is. 
> 
> As always I'm looking for a Beta or someone to bounce ideas off of.
> 
> Also I'm sorry if this is really bad but it's the first thing I've written like this in a very long time.

Tony glared at the screen feeling a little ridiculous about being so bothered. He wasn’t aging and hadn’t been for quite some time. Not only was he not aging but he also wasn’t dying properly, as in he wasn’t staying dead. Really this should thrill him but in actuality just bothered him. Perhaps he should get Hank to look at his files, Don had been looking into it but well Don apparently hadn’t had Tony problem with mortality. He was more than a little peeved that he couldn’t find a reason for why he wasn’t aging, the not dying thing too was bothersome. 

“Tony you’ve been down here for hours,” Steve reminds him as he comes striding into the room. “You promised Hank you would rest if he let you out of the infirmary.”

While not aging and not dying correctly were nice on some levels, pain and injury still accrued as today’s brush with doom-bots had proven yet again. He was healing faster then he should but not enough to be actually noticeable to most other people. “Steve I’m fine. My ribs are taped and I no longer have a concussion. Look around I haven’t done any heavy lifting or construction, I’m being good, so just let me be.” Tony mentally winces at the slight bite to his tone, he must be more frustrated the he thought. 

For a moment Steve looks hurt before he crosses his arms over his beautiful chest and levels a glare at Tony. “Tony how long has it been sense you slept?” 

“Low blow,” Tony thinks and starts shutting down the system because Steve is in mother hen mode with him, staying up now will be a personal affront to America. “Okay Cap,” Steve says standing up. “Do you want to read me a story or give me a glass of warm milk before you put me to bed?” 

Steve rolls his eyes but there is a small flush to his cheeks, “Ha ha Tony. Watch out or I’ll decide to take you seriously one of these days.”

Tony’s own chuckle lacks mirth and Steve gives him a quizzical look so Tony summons up a small smile. He walks past him and out of the workshop calling over his shoulder, “Good call on the sleep Steve it’s been a couple of days.”

“Tony!” Steve shouts and Tony can hear his quick steps to catch up. “I know you’re a grown man but sometimes I wonder how you’ve managed to stay alive this long.”

“You’ve met Jarvis right?” Tony teases and tries not to think about the number of times he’s died, it’s in the double digits. 

()

The whole not dying thing has actually been pretty easy to hide. People pretty much assume that he just has an excellent dermatologist or that he’s like Cher or Steve Martin. He wonders how long it will be before people who aren’t him start to notice. He suspects that Jarvis knows, the man changed his diapers and knows more about him then Pepper, and Don knew so maybe Thor knows but other than Don he’s never told anyone. Deadpool however seems to know something because he keeps trying to get Tony to join a club he’s called “The Too Awesome to Die Club.” He kind of wishes he’d told Steve though but hind sight is twenty/twenty or something. 

Tony comes back to life Steve’s cries still ringing in his ears in the cold dark of a mortuary, he can tell by the smell. He pants as well as he can with his jaw sewn to his septum, for a full minute while he tries to get his bearings and tries to calm his stomach. The mouth former makes the task more difficult and totally isn’t necessary now that his teeth have grown back. His head is still spinning despite the fact that he’s barely moved and he tries to force his stubbornly uncooperative body to at least let him turn head when he vomits. He chokes on the formaldehyde that is inside every part of his body and makes him burn. 

Tony is grateful that he losses consciousness before he dies again. 

The Iron Avenger losses count of how many deaths it takes before he’s actually able to move. The formaldehyde in his veins and organs have been mostly forced out of his body in any way they could make themselves. He probably looks a sight covered in blood, chemicals, and busted stitches. The glue that was holding his eyelids together has come away and after the mouth former the cotton under his eyelids is the first thing to go. His eyes, like the rest of him, hurt and he is profoundly grateful that this room is so dark he can’t see. Well it’s not so much a room as storage locker that has almost no air left in it.

Tony tries not to breathe much as he makes his feet kick against the door. The whole of his body feels disconnected except for the constant burning pain and it’s probably the adrenalin brought on by panic that actually enables him to kick open the door. He’s grateful that he can’t actually feel the torn muscles. When he actually breathes it burns and the chemical smell is awful. He’s probably going to die again soon but he needs to be out of here before that happens. 

Tony collapses onto the floor when he manages to scoot himself out of the drawer. It’s completely graceless, a sprawl of limbs that twitch, shake, and are in general uncooperative. In the dim light he can see a chemical shower and makes that his first objective once he has some control again. It ends up taking an army crawl but he gets there and the water is literally agony and ecstasy all at once. The water helps though and he feels more alive than dead when he stumbles away from it. He pulls open cabinets and drawers until he finds scissors to cut the string holding his mouth closed it bleeds sluggishly but that’s fine with him. 

There is actually a suit and a smaller bag hanging up, likely what he was met to be dressed in if the label is anything to go by, so Tony takes advantage of the clothing. He actually recognizes the tie that’s inside the bag as one that Steve gave him as a kind of gag gift years ago. Tony had requested to be buried in it like he threatened Steve he would and apparently Pepper decided to adhere to his wishes despite its garish design. He wraps the tie around his left hand and uses it to open the door on the way out. 

Finding the security office is laughably easy and the conveniently snoring security guards makes whipping the footage and corrupting the backup child’s play. He only feels a little bad about stealing the hat and forty bucks from Brian Davis recent father or twins. He’ll have to make sure the guys doesn’t get fired for this or something. He uses the other security guards internet on his phone to request a cab before slipping it back into the man’s pocket. 

It takes until the cab arrives for Tony to decide where he’s going. Really it’s the sound of Steve wrecked voice echoing back through his mind that makes the decision for him. He wonders if he’ll even make it because his body is succumbing to the poisoning again. He knows he looks a mess and the cabby keep shooting his worried glances and asking in broken English if Tony needs to go to the hospital. Tony shakes his head because he hasn’t quite gotten his voice to start working again yet. He gives the man the entire $40 which is over tipping by a bit but Tony is aware he looks like a corpse and can’t small much better. 

Once inside the building he makes his way up to Steve’s floor via the crotchety old lift because he knows he won’t make it up the stairs. He doesn’t get an answer from knocking the first time and he regrets really having anything to break in with. But he’s Tony Stark and this is an old building, mostly dead or not the door is no match for him. Steve isn’t at home but he was clearly here recently so Tony writes him a note on the blank page of the sketch book that is laying on the counter. Then he goes and finds the darkest most out of the way place in the apartment to succumb to death once more.

()  
Steve has had the day from hell and it’s not even noon yet. Actually this whole week has just been awful and he thought it had peaked with Tony’s death. Today was meant to be Tony’s funeral and it was likely for that fact that Steve hadn’t been able to sleep the night before. He tried watching television and listening to music but everything had reminded him of Tony. He tried to draw but the blank page stared at him mockingly for an hour before Steve gave that up to and got dressed for a run. The run had been good, calming even, and he’d been on his way back home when his phone started to ring. 

It had been Pepper who was nearly hysterical explaining that Tony’s body was missing. Steve hadn’t even gone home, just took a cab to the funeral home to find out everything they knew and then called the appropriate people he knew to look into it. He went and told Jarvis himself, who for a moment Steve was sure looked relieved. After an impromptu Avenger’s meeting Steve had left Carol to deal with the press until Steve had time to shower and dress appropriately. 

Despite how warn out the felt he could still tell right away that his door had been tampered with. He wondered momentarily if it had been Natasha coming to check on him before disregarding it because if it had been her he wouldn’t have been able to tell. He opened his door carefully but nothing happened and nothing seemed out of place. Carefully he entered and shut the door to his apartment before venturing further inside. Everything was as he left it at first glance until he noticed his sketch book that he’d sloppily left on the counter. 

The sketchbook was about half full ad contained sketches of New York life and his friends. If someone were to count they would notice that there were far more pictures of Tony then of anyone else. The book hadn’t been moved but it wasn’t in the same condition Steve had left it in. There was shaky almost unreadable script on the page and the pencil just haphazardly left there. He squinted at the text and then had to reread it again. “Steve, I should have told you before, sorry. I’m not dead, just wait for me to wake up come back and I’ll tell you what I know. Please don’t do anything until then. TS.” There’s a small rendering of the Ironman helmet after it that lacks much of the shakiness the words have. 

Steve, for lack of actually knowing what to do does nothing for a good five minutes. His phone buzzes in his pocket breaking his shocked stupor. It’s a text from Sam asking if Steve wants company and Steve finds himself closing up the sketch book to hide the words away before he answers. He doesn’t want to see Sam who wasn’t particularly fond of Tony especially if he is having some sort of psychotic break. After the reply is sent he drops the phone on the counter rather than taking it with him before retreating to his bedroom to finely strip out of his jogging clothes. 

He showers on automatic and dries off before pulling on jeans and tucking in and undershirt. Steve’s going to get a shirt out of the closet, has just opened the door in fact, when he sees him. The sight of Tony just collapsed lifelessly on the floor of his closet is just too much and he slams the door shut before stumbling backward. He end up on his bed feeling so overwhelmed because Tony had died in his arms not three days ago. He’s breathing too hard and he feels light headed as he wonders if he’s snapped and is having delusions of grandeur or if that’s really Tony’s body in his closet. 

It gets to be too much and he goes back to the closet and opens the door and Tony’s still in the same place. Steve’s on his knees and reaching out before he knows it. His unsteady hands reach out for the cold skin of Tony’s neck and, like he knows there won’t be, there is no pulse. He pulls his hand away trailing it over Tony’s cold cheek and then between one second and the next Tony gasps for breath, chest heaving, and his eyes flickering open. For a second he looks panicked but then his eyes land on Steve and he’s calm. 

“Hey this is the best thing I’ve woken up to in a while,” Tony says and he’s grinning at Steve in a way that only looks slightly faked. 

Steve who is at a loss for words makes a noise that he will never on pain of death admit to. He puts his fingers back on Tony throat and feels the steady beat under his fingertips. Somehow unable to trust that he reaches for Tony’s wrist and feels there. 

“Wanna listen to my chest while you’re at it?” Tony teases. 

Steve just blinks at him dumbly, “You were dead… very dead. I held you and your heart… and you…”

Tony frowned in concern, “Steve you know plenty of people who were dead and are now running around like it didn’t even phase them. Hell I’ve been dead before, more times then you know about sure, but you at least know of that one time.”

Something inside Steve seizes in distress and he’s pulled Tony to him before he can put much thought into his actions. Tony is warm but still cooler then Steve who always runs a little hot and he smells like chemicals. Tony shouldn’t smell like that, he should smell like metal, grease and fine cologne not chemicals. He breaths in again and is able to find the smell that always under everything else is just Tony and something breaks the dam on all he’s been holding inside for ages. 

“Oh God Steve don’t cry,” Tony says his voice a little breathy because of how tightly Steve is squeezing him. “They have a special place in Hel and Hell I’m sure for people who make Captain America cry.”

“What about for making Steven Rogers cry?” Steve manages to gasp out though the tears.

“That place is even worse than the one for Captain America so please stop I don’t need even more reasons to be in the special hell.” Tony begs.

Steve snorts weakly and pulls Tony closer so that the man is practically in his lap. He tangles his fingers in Tony’s hair and horribly rumbled clothes. “I’m not even sure you’re real so just humor me Tony,” Steve requests and it’s horribly muffled because he’s basically saying it into Tony’s jacketed shoulder. 

Tony swallows thickly feeling guilty and worried. Guilty because he could have saved Steve this pain if he had just told him about his strange immortality and worried because Steve was doubting his own reality. Not entirely sure what to do Tony wraps his own arms around Steve and squeezes back. “It’s alright Steve I’m here.” 

Steve eventually pulls his head out of Tony’s shoulder and says, “You need a shower you smell like a morgue.”

“Ah yes that’s a side effect of having been in one for an extended period of time,” Tony says and relaxes his hold on Steve. “I suppose I should get up and call Pepper to tell her the good news. The press is going to have a field day and she and Rhodey are both going to attempt to throttle me.”

“You can use my shower,” Steve offers abruptly. He really doesn’t want to let go of Tony let alone let him out of his sight for long enough to shower. 

“Thanks but I’ll have to just put back on this suit.” Tony says. “Also putting off Pepper is a very bad idea and I need to talk to Jarvis.”

“You can barrow some of my clothes, they’ll be a little big on you but you should be fine,” Steve says and barely keeps himself from clutching Tony closer. 

“Oh um sure,” Tony responds hoping his tone doesn’t betray exactly how off balanced he feels. “I’ll just wear whatever you can dig up.”

Steve very reluctantly untangles himself from his best friend and Tony only moves slightly faster. Once they are both standing it becomes mildly awkward because Steve hasn’t moved out of the door way and won’t stop staring at Tony. Tony himself is completely thrown by his behavior but pastes on an easy teasing smile, “I swear I won’t vanish if you take your eyes off me.”  
The smallest amount of color rises on Steve’s cheeks before he composes himself and steps aside. “Just promise me you will burn that entire suit,” Steve says.

“Steven Rogers advocating waste I never thought I’d see the day,” Tony teases as he moves past. “Very well consider the suit garbage if you find it so offensive. Do all my suits fill you with such loathing, I always thought they made me look rather dashing, or is just this one in particular that has earned your ire?” 

“I…,” Steve swallows before huffing out a self-deprecating laugh. “I actually picked that one out. Pepper, she had so much to deal with and she was so upset and so I offered to help. She had me meet with the tailor to pick the suit and it… god Tony I think if I see you in a suit again to soon I’ll make Jarvis donate your whole wardrobe to charity.”

“What would I wear to my meetings then?” Tony asks teasingly. 

“I suppose you would just have to go ‘stark’ naked,” Steve says with a shrug.

Tony wrinkles his nose in distaste, “Really Steve, that was bad even for you.”

“Yeah but I’ve been having a bad week,” Steve excuses. “My best friend died in my arms while on our lunch date a few days ago. Then his corpse disappears from the morgue and shows up in my closet, only then the corpse comes back to life as soon as I touch it.”

“That part was purely coincidence I promise,” Tony says. “I would have come back whether you had touched me or not.”

“How do you know that?” Steve asks and he’s troubled to note the distress in his own voice. “Tony your human, only human, and you were dead. The medics told me so, Pepper, Sam, and everyone else told me you were dead and that nothing could be done.”

“Steve,” Tony says but gets no response as Steve grows more upset. He reaches out gripping Steve bicep with one hand and placing his other against Steve’s cheek and uses his thumb to wipe away the moisture there. “Steve I’m so sorry. Please don’t cry not when you don’t need to.”

“My best friend is dead,” Steve sobs. “No one has ever meant as much to me as he did. He gave me a home, direction, and support before I even knew who he was. After we lost the mansion I realized it didn’t matter because he was home. If we were the only two people left on the planet it would be terrible but I would be fine just as long as he was there with me.”

“God Steve stop you can’t mean that,” Tony says desperately as his eyes burn and his hands start to shake just like Steve is. “There is no way I can mean that much to you or any one after everything I’ve done.”

“I do mean it,” Steve states like it’s one of the Ten Commandments or the Declaration of Independence. “Tony Stark means that much to me.” Steve’s own hands come up and cover Tony’s own. “Losing him has ether driven me insane or you are an LMD, a skrull, or maybe some villain’s plot device, but any which way you look at it you can’t be a live and here.”

“Steve stop you’re freaking me out,” Tony hisses because it’s true. Steve’s not even really looking at him, he’s looking at Tony’s chest where the RT should be but has hopefully now been destroyed if it hasn’t been snagged my Reed. “Steve look at me,” Tony commands his grip on Steve going tighter. Steve isn’t looking up still and Tony swears. “Steve I can’t die… well at least not permanently, not anymore.”

Steve glances up and it looks like he’s hearing but he can’t understand. “Steve,” Tony tries again, “I’m sorry I should have told you when I first found out but I don’t really understand it myself, I’m honestly me and I can’t ever stay dead.”

“Why should I believe you?” Steve asks sounding hallow. “This could be just some story you’re telling me to get me to trust you.”

“Then break my neck or decapitate me, just you know try to put my head back on my body afterwards or it gets strange,” Tony offers exasperated. “That will at least rule out LMD and skrull for you as well as quite a few other things. I’ll skip the shower and we’ll go to the tower and I’ll show you the files that Don and I kept. I’d just hack the files from here but there on a secure server and you have to be physically be in the lab to access them.”

Steve is looking at Tony now his eyes wide, “You’ve been decapitated before?” 

“Lab accident,” Tony says flippantly. “When you discover you can’t die you get a little less careful around heavy machinery.” 

“Tony!” Steve gasps and his grip becomes bruising. “I don’t care if your immortal work safety is important.”

Tony rolls his eyes, “yeah I got that message but honestly Steve we fight super villains on a weekly basis.”

“Yeah well for the time being consider yourself benched.” Steve snaps. 

Tony is about to protest but thinks better of it, “yeah I guess that’s fair. I suppose I’ll be everybody’s lab rat for a while till everyone’s convinced.”

Steve glowers but the red is already fading from his eyes and in another minute it’s unlikely any one will be able to tell Steve had ever cried at all. Carefully Steve grip slackens and he steps away. “You should shower, I’ll get you some clothes then you will explain this whole thing to me.”

“Aye, aye Captain,” Tony says with a mocking solute before slipping out of the small closet.


	2. Can't I say hello to anyone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a lot of time is spent in Steve's kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not Beta so I'm sorry if there are mistakes. 
> 
> Also love and comments are very effective motivators at making me write.
> 
> Also you guys are so lucky. I almost went back an rewrote the whole thing into something dark and twisted.

Tony emerges from the bedroom just as Steve ends his phone call with Jarvis, his hair is still damp and the clothes are too large on his frame but he smells better. The smell of formaldehyde, and hadn’t he felt awful once he finely pinpointed what it was, is still there but lessened. He picks up the full glass of water he’s had waiting since he heard the shower turn off and holds it out to Tony.

“What no Coffee?” Tony questions but takes the water and drains the glass like he’s been walking in the Sahara.

“Didn’t you hear? There was an invasion but they agreed to leave peaceably as long as we handed over all the coffee plants. Naturally there was quite a fuss, but without Ironman we just didn’t stand a chance.” Steve says as he takes Tony glass and refills it.

“Steve stop this story is too horrible to be allowed to continue,” Tony begs. “If I came back to a world without coffee I’m not sure I want to live.”

It’s much too soon for this sort of joke, possibly will always be for Steve now, but he smiles for Tony anyways. The smile feels brittle on his face and like it is nearly the most fake expression he’s ever had. He holds out the refilled glass and Tony’s fingers brush his as he moves to take it, “You’ve been dead for three days Tony and a lot happens in our lives in three days.”

“Three days?” Tony blinks and frowns. “I haven’t been dead for that long since this whole thing started. I bet it was the formaldehyde and the autopsy process. Due to the fact that I’m apparently going to have to tell Reed I’m sure he’ll be morbidly fascinated and want to perform tests. I hope he doesn’t want to redo the autopsy with me conscious.”

“He is not going to be cutting you open,” Steve states in what people call his Captain America voice. “Nobody is going to be cutting you open.”

“Unless I’m a skrull right?” Tony says lightly and takes a sip of the water.

“No, I still don’t think I’d let them do it then,” Steve confesses. Just the thought of seeing any version of Tony laying still on the table is ts awful to consider. 

Tony’s expression pinches into a worried frown before smoothing out as he sets the glass on the counter, “Steve, I’m not a skrull or anything other than Tony Stark to my knowledge, but I’m beginning to wonder about you. Maybe we should both go to Reed right now and get checked out. “

“I already have a skrull detector,” Steve says with a shrug. “I requisitioned it when I was running S.H.I.E.L.D. I just failed to return it.”

“How very devious of you,” Tony grins. “Well anytime you want to check me out feel free but at this point turnabout is fair play.”

“I’m human Tony, I’m just… not on top of my game, apparently losing you does that to me,” Steve says.

“Steve…” Tony starts and Steve watches as whatever Tony was going to stay is discarded. He feels a little disappointed but lets it go because if this is Tony he’s just come back from the dead and if he’s not whatever he would say would be aimed at manipulation.

“So I called Jarvis,” Steve says to change the subject somewhat. “He’s going to drop by later with some things. He apparently knows or guessed about the not staying dead aspect of your life.”

“You know I wondered,” Tony mutters. “I used to think he was omniscient when I was growing up, I might not have been wrong.”

“He is very competent,” Steve agrees.

“I should just go to the tower and let people fuss until everyone’s as happy as they're going to get about my current state of affairs. You know the longer I wait the longer Pepper is going to make me pay.” Tony says.

“Actually I think we should hold off telling anyone for a while and use this to our advantage,” Steve confesses and it's partially true.

“Then why the hell did you talk to Jarvis?” Tony asks with a frown. “Not that I don’t trust him to keep quiet about it but off all the people you tell why him?”

“He’s an old man Tony, and he practically raised you from what I have gathered, he deserves to know that he didn’t out live you.” Steve glares. “if you're immortal he should have been the first person you told.” He tries not to feel hurt that Tony wouldn’t tell him about something like that ether. Tony’s always kept any sort of health matters close to her chest though.

Tony looks down at the glass that’s close to his hand before picking it up. He’s not looking at Steve ether which probably mean he’s feeling guilty and doesn’t want Steve to know so he’s trying to look contemplative. “I never actually told anybody about it. Don knew but he found out on accident, he was around during the decapitation incident. It’s just… I know some people would like to live forever but I’m not actually one of them. I’ve already out lived enough people Steve and if have out live you….” Tony looks up at him finely eyes a little wide like he’s just realized something awful. "Oh God."

“You’ve already buried me once Tony,” Steve reminds him and he wonders if Tony’s putting together exactly how awful Steve has been feeling since Tony bled out in his hands.

Tony twitches like he wants to look away from Steve but can’t. “Steve I don’t have firsthand memories but the files and footage are enough to know pretty much how badly I dealt with that.” He’s silent and is actually able to look away while he is visibly thinking about something that is less than pleasant. Steve’s about to break the uncomfortably silence then Tony speaks again, “Steve you said earlier that I was your home and if that’s really how you feel then I understand what it does to me. Apparently when I lose what I consider home… well long story short I end up killing myself via control alt delete.” 

Steve is actually reaching for Tony when he stops himself forcing himself to bring his hand back to his side. He remembers being so mad at Tony for that before, part of him still is, but he kind of feels like he understands now. Tony had lost a lot during that point in time, most of it had been his own fault but some of it… Steve knew his own hands where not clean in the mater. 

“Steve it just dawned on me that I must sound like a selfish brat to you,” Tony breathes in a heavy breath. “You’ve already outlived practically everyone you knew before the ice and unless something terrible happens you’re going to be doing it again because your cells regenerate so quickly I’m not even sure you ever could die of old age. You know every one you meet and befriend are just a going to end up a memory in that head of yours and I knew that but I never really thought about it.”

“Hey I won’t be too bad, by now I know a few people who are likely to even out live me,” Steve points out because he'd really not have Tony feeling sorry for him. 

“Yeah but who wants to be stuck with, Stephen, Logan and Deadpool till the end of time,” Tony says while rolling his eyes. 

“I think you’re forgetting Vision and I could always get to know that boy, Terrance,” Steve adds. “Also Natasha is just as likely to live as long as I do.” 

Tony gives him a halfhearted smile, “been thinking about it I see. Other then maybe Tasha I can’t see you trying to have a relationship with any of them. You like having someone Steve although I think I’m starting to see why it ends up falling apart.”

“Because I’m actually in love with my best friend,” Steve thinks even as Tony says, “you’re keeping yourself emotionally distant.”

“I am not,” Steve objects and Tony gives him this look like he knows Steve is lying to him. “Well maybe a little I don’t try to though. Girls are just hard and mostly impossible to talk to.”

Tony quirks an eyebrow and says, “and possibly what’s the point if they’re going to resent you for staying young and pretty forever?”

“I try not to date girls who are that shallow Tony,” Steve huffs then thinks about what Tony just said. “Did you just call me pretty?” 

"I'm immortal you can't actually kill me for saying it," Tony just grins at him. “Steve I think of you in way more flattering terms then “pretty”. If I wanted to make you blush I could probably wax poetical about the color of your eyes for a good ten minutes and never once use the word “pretty”.” 

“My eyes,” Steve says a little dumbfounded and Tony looks amused because he’s teasing Steve right back. “That’s probably not fair because you probably wrote it about your own while looking in a mirror.”

“My eyes have nothing on yours Cap. Honestly azure verses hazel blue, no contest,” Tony states looking not at all impressed.

Steve smiles before leaning forward, “your eyes are like the sea, dark and cold when angry, bright and playful when your happy, Tony your nearly as silver-tongued as Loki but your eyes are a dead giveaway.”

“Yeah?” Tony breathes and looks contemplative. After a moment he looks up and challenges his voice lower than normal, “Then what are my eyes telling you now?”

So Steve focuses and Tony’s eye are blue a deeper shade then normal but that could be a contrast trick caused by the red of the blood vessels that are more apparent right now, probably from the exposure to the embalming fluids. His pupils are dilated too and again that could be excused because of what Tony’s gone through today. What Steve sees mostly is a warmth that is desire and the slightest crease that betrays trepidations.. Steve knows what he wants from Tony and what he has wanted so he really hopes he’s not projecting. He leans closer eyes not leaving Tony’s and they are getting darker but not angry.

“Tony?” Steve says and it’s supposed to be a request for permission but it comes out much more breathless then it should. Tony's name sounds like a prayer from his lips.

However Tony is swallowing nervously and saying “yes?” and he sound unsure like Steve never thought he would be. Steve’s about to lean in the rest of the way when there is a knock at his door. 

“Steve,” A feminine voice calls and Steve’s actually pretty sure it’s Jan.

“Damn,” Tony mutters so softly that a normal human wouldn’t hear it. “Still want me to lay low or is telling Jan okay?”

“I just go hide out in my bedroom kay?” Steve says and he will not admit even to himself that he’s doing it because he doesn’t want this illusion with Tony shattered. He doesn’t want Jan to not be able to see Tony too or for her to see him and make a fuss, he just wants his best friend all to himself for a while. Tony just nods and slips off to the bedroom. 

Steve takes a breath and heads for the door. After making sure that he looks absolutely composed he opens the door. “Hey Jan can I help you?”

Jan quirks an eye brow at him and she pulls off her sunglasses, “Maybe, can I come in?” 

Steve would really like to say “no” but he has no plausible excuse so he opens the door the rest of the way. “Can I get you anything, a glass of water or juice, I offer you milk but what I have in the fridge is probably bad by now.”

“Water, I’d take a beer but I know you don’t drink,” Jan says and fallows him into the kitchen. 

Steve actually does have beer at the moment, Bucky left it after his last visit, but he doesn’t want to give Jan an excuse to stay longer than necessary. He pulls another glass down from his cupboard and fills it before handing it to Jan. He’s about to get a glass for himself when he notices Tony’s so he takes that one instead. “So what going on?”

Jan’s watching him contemplatively from over her glass before she takes a sip. She lowers her glass and asks bluntly, “how are you doing?”

Steve wonders if braining himself on the counter with be less painful then this conversation. He should have expected it, Jan knows what Tony means to him and what the man has meant to Jan herself. They’ve been friends for so long and keeping ether Tony or Steve’s probable insanity from her is cruel but…, “I’ve been better.”

“I’ll bet,” Jan replies. “I drank myself silly then cried myself to sleep after I heard about it. I should have come over sooner.” 

“I’m sure Hank needed you, he’s known Tony a long time too,” Steve says because he doesn’t want to tell her that two days ago he’d had to take Pepper home and let her sob all over him or that yesterday he and Carol had spared for hours because they were both trying not to cry or take there feeling of anger out on somebody who couldn’t handle it. He doesn’t want to talk about the half assed attempts at comfort from Bucky, Sam, and Luke. If he never has to think about the looks of pure pity on Sharon and Maria Hill’s faces it will still be too soon. In his grief over Tony they only person he would have felt sharing it with was Tony. Thor might have been a good option but he might not have even gotten the news about Tony’s demise. 

“Yeah but Hank is more comfortable with poring his emotions into work and he wasn’t in love with Tony,” Jan states.

Steve swallows and really hopes that Tony is not listening because it would suck it Jan just spilled the beans before Steve could. “Jan I don’t th- “

“Don’t try to deny it now Steve. You told me you were in love with him years ago, you’ve got it just as bad now,” Jan glares and she is definitely upset about this. 

Steve makes a strangled little noise and nearly drops the glass he’s holding, “I wasn’t going to say that I don’t have feelings for Tony.”

“You both were so stupid I kept waiting for one of you to man up and just ask the other out but you know for superheroes you guys are absolutely spineless.” Jan snaps and she’s actually looking like she might want to zap Steve. “Tony’s probably the bravest person I’ve ever met and he was so in love with you but he never did anything about it. You two were idiots and it used to make me sad but now… now it pisses me off. If I actually believed in that whole soul mates shtick I would have said you two were because I’ve never seen to people function better together then they ever do apart like you two did.”

Steve stares as Jan’s tirade, which had actually gotten quite loud, suddenly melts down into great sobs. Vaguely Steve wonders if this had been how Tony felt earlier when Steve had started to cry, freaked out and unable to think of a solution. “Jan,” Steve tries and looks about for something to stop the mess of tears and mascara. Finely he digs out a handkerchief and practically shoves it at her. “Here, you can punch me if it makes you feel better or do you want some tea I think I have some. Do you want a hug?”

Jan looks at him though watery eyes and starts laughing. Steve finds he can’t do anything but watch until Jan calms enough to take the scrap of fabric which she uses to wipe her eyes before blowing her nose in it. “Steven Rogers you are possibly worse at comforting women than even Hank. Honestly you should put that on your resume.”

“Okay,” Steve says a little dead pan. “I’ll add it the next time I need a job.”

“As if you’d ever stop being Captain America for good,” Jan scoffs and it sounds kind of funny because she’s all stuffy. “By the way do you know who Tony willed Cap collection too?”

“Er no, hopefully to a museum or a charity,” Steve states and looks at a print of Sky and Water II by M.C. Escher so that he won’t look at the room that Tony is hiding in or at Jan. Tony bought it for him so it’s probably the original and not print but some times Steve lies to himself for his own good.

“As if. You know you secretly like that he has… had a room dedicated to you,” Jan says and she stares at her glass and Steve lets her because he doesn’t know what to say. “Steve the real reason I came over is because Hank thinks that the,” Jan swallows before forcing herself to continue, “The bomb wasn’t an act of terrorism like we were initially told.”

Steve feels his whole body tense as he absorbs this information. Jan has his full attention now, she’s not even looking at him but the way her shoulders tighten he knows she can feel his gaze. “What makes him think that and why is it you telling me?”

“I’m disobeying a whole bunch of direct commands and ignoring some rather menacing threats from your friends by talking to you about this at all, but for the last several months there have been threats made on your life.”

“I’ve never heard about any of this,” Steve says.

“I hadn’t heard about it until yesterday so you’re not the only one whose been kept out of the loop,” Jan says looking a little irritated. “Hank says that the bomb that took Tony was actually meant to take you out.”

Steve honestly feels like he might puke. That bomb had gored holes into Tony, chunks had been missing, and Steve had actually been able to see into Tony’s chest cavity and watch as his heart stopped beating. There had been strangely few burn marks and relatively little shrapnel it was almost as if the bomb had come from inside of Tony. Steve had been in such a state he hadn’t really paid attention to the details at the time.

“Hank and… Henry they were at the autopsy what did they find that they didn’t tell me,” Steve asks. “I… Han… Henry made me go through a detox shower and did a scan, said he was worried about a possible pathogen, but he said everything was fine.” 

“You and Tony both ingested nanites, where guessing it was at the restaurant Tony took you too,” Jan answers the red of her eyes on her pale face is ghastly perhaps if Tony walked out of the bedroom now it would end her misery. 

“Tony switched plates with me because I didn’t care for what I ordered,” Steve says feeling even more horrified. God he really just wants to walk into his room and hold Tony to touch every part of his body as if that will somehow prove that it was never in pieces. That Tony’s death really wasn’t his fault.

“Tony was always getting you to try new things,” Jan says and her lips quiver as she adds, “I doubt he thought it would get him killed.”

“I’m guessing the nanites didn’t affect me,” Steve says.

“Not enough of them in your system to overwhelm the serum,” Jan says with a shrug. “The only reason Hank has any clue is because he found a defective one. The rest well, you saw what they did.”

“Do you know any more about whoever is trying to kill me?” Steve asks.

“Not really,” Jan says. “You’ll have to speak to Hill, James, Sharon or possibly Natasha to find out who’s behind it.”

“Now that you’ve come I guess I should expect a visit from one of them shortly.” Steve suppresses a groan and gives Jan a weak smile. ‘Thanks for coming over to tell me. You should head back home. I’m sorry to kick you out but I need to think. “

Jan gives him a watery smile and stands. “Be careful Steve I don’t want to lose you too.”

“I’ll do my best Jan,” Steve says and he shows her to the door. 

She turns and hugs him as tightly as her petite body can manage, “Stay alive. I mean it, Tony would hate it if you caught up to him too quickly.”

“I’m going to be fine Jan,” Steve tells her and pats her back gently. “Now go home and take care of yourself.”

No sooner had the door closed behind Jan then Steve was making his way toward his room. He pushes the door open just as Tony’s body hits the floor.


End file.
